How to Blow Your New Year’s Resolutions With Style

I like New Year’s resolutions.

At least, I like them when they’re all shiny and new and un-blown. That always lasts a few days, and then you’re right back where you started, sitting all frowny faced in your stretchy pants with a blog you keep swearing to yourself that you’ll update.

Given that today is the 11th of January, I can sigh in something like relief knowing that I’ve already nailed one of my early resolutions, to update my blog on the first of the year, right into the ground. One great consolation to passively ignoring your promises to yourself is that there’s a sort of peace that comes with failure. It’s as cozy as a warm piece of store-bought pie.

Another resolution I’m not doing so hot on is learning French. I was pretty decent at Spanish back in the day, and I figured I could probably learn French in a year if I applied myself. Then again, I was great at lots of things when I was younger that I’m total crap at now, including eating lots of store bought pie and not gaining weight and spending hours on end in bouncy houses without having to visit a chiropractor. Life is simpler when you only weigh 70 pounds.

If I’m being honest, the French thing really boils down to food. I was recently introduced to the wonders of Julia Child and quickly became hooked on her whole philosophy: “If you’re afraid of butter, use cream.” Julia seems to have all the answers, and she was a woman who knew how to love eating. Since she loved France so much, I figured I should go, too. But I also figured that it would be handy to learn some French first. The good news is that I’m a fantastic eater. The bad news is that French is kind of hard.

A college friend recently made me a coat of arms emblazoned with butter and the kickass motto “plus de buerre.” So, while I’d like to act like I’m learning French, mostly I just say this phrase on repeat. That’s enough to get around a foreign country on, right?

Most of us, if we ever had the gumption to make a resolution in the first place, are going to blow them. But I say that if we’re going to do that, we might as well blow them sky high. Less exercising, more napping. Less quitting, more cigars. Less green tea, more beer.

In other words, plus de buerre.

About aemayer

A.E. Mayer is an author of fiction, fantasy, and other tales for kiddies great and small. To learn more about Mayer and her books, please visit
This entry was posted in going places, holiday heaven & holiday hell, snacks and sustenance, taboo-boos. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to How to Blow Your New Year’s Resolutions With Style

  1. Brooke says:

    I completely disagree with you (and I wrote a nearly opposite post ) but I love the way you write and appreciate the laugh when you post. :-D

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